Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
