but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
