he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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