I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
