I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
