I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
