is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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