Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
