If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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