oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
