So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
