Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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