I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
