honey bunches of taint.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
