yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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