Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
