even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
