last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
