They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
