just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
