and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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