I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
