whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
