she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
