If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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