Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
