i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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