fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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