she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
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