I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
