you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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