I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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