the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
