Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
