Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
