it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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