someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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