hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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