I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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