I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
