and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
