I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
