a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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