If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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