problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
