3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
