shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
