so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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