I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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