Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The Olympian is in my bed
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
