Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
