I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
